


Holding On To You

by 3011xing



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Humor, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Love at First Sight, M/M, References to Depression, They fall in love but ain't dating, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:40:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 9,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24149854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3011xing/pseuds/3011xing
Summary: Singer G-DRAGON wants to end his life. One day he met a dancer named Seungri. Without knowing, the young man became the new addiction of the pop star./Chapter of my Twitter AU\@3011xingMy Twitter account got suspended. I'm so sorry about that but you still can read this as a fiction, I may write more chapters later to complete it since it lacks of some important elements.
Relationships: Dong Youngbae | Taeyang/Min Hyo Rin, Jennie Kim/Kim Jongin | Kai, Kwon Jiyong | G-Dragon & Lee Seunghyun | Seungri, Kwon Jiyong | G-Dragon/Lee Seunghyun | Seungri, Lee Seunghyun | Seungri/Original Female Character(s), Lee Seunghyun | Seungri/Original Male Character(s), Oh Sehun/Park Chanyeol, Song Minho | Mino/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	1. Rising Day

Seungri was already drunk. He lost his friends as soon as they entered in the club. The Great Crew used to come to this place, Seungri played there sometimes. The dancer ordered a new drink and waited against the bar. He loved parties. Dancing, drinking, having fun, it was his world. Thanking the bartender, Seungri took his glass and turn around. He crashed into a handsome man.

“I'm sorry!” shouted the dancer. Fortunately, he didn't spill his alcohol. The other laughed. “It's nothing!” he yelled back. He went to the bar and Seungri stared at him for a few seconds before returning to the dancefloor. He suddenly felt a hand grabbing his shoulder. 

“What's your name gorgeous?” asked the man from earlier. “Seungri!” he answered. “What's yours?” The stranger took a sip of his own drink. “Call me GD, ” he said. GD? Unusual for a name. Noticing confusion on Seungri's face, the man laughed. “Nickname. I'm famous ya know?”

Seungri did not believe him. People often created a new fake life in club but it made him laugh. Surprisingly, the two of them spent the all time together. Dancing, joking, teasing each other. Seungri had too much fun, he was so sad when Chanyeol came to bring him home. It was so good to meet new people, to get quickly close and then never see each other again. It was also quite sad but it was life. Seungri thought it was beautiful. Short encounters were the best.


	2. Encounter

“Sehun this brat”, muttered Seungri. He reassured himself that Sehun was probably just joking around. Sighing, he kept walking in Seoul. The crew should upload a new video soon and Seungri wanted to find a great place to shoot. Their first video was done in his garden. The quality was not good at all but it was so fun. At that time, Mino was not a part of the crew yet, he joined them two months after. It was Zitao's idea. Last year, Chanyeol's popularity exploded. He gained so much fans in such a short amount of time. And Zitao did not want for them to be known as DJ LOEY'S friends. When he suggested his two best friends to start a dancing crew together, they quickly accepted. They loved dancing, so why not? Of course they were not as popular as their friend but people acknowledged their work and it was enough for them.

Stopping his walk, Seungri noticed he was in a part of the town where he never went before. He was born in Gwangju and started to live in Seoul when he was sixteen. Already six years he was there and he still didn't know this town as well as his friends. “This place could be great”, he said to himself looking at the river. He glanced around him and found a man taking pictures. Excited Seungri went to greet him. “Are you a professional?” he said taking his mask off. “Hobbie”, answered the stranger. The dancer asked if he could be his model and he did not say no. Placing himself in front of the camera, Seungri smiled. After a few pictures, he went back to the side of the stranger. “Hope I was a good model”, he joked.

“You're a member of a crew, aren't you?” asked the man, looking at him in the eyes for the first time. Seungri stuttered that indeed he was a dancer. “I'm Kang Daesung. I attended the festival yesterday”, said the photographer. Seungri was so surprised to be recognized but also proud. Awkwardly, he gave him a small card of The Great Crew. “Check it out! My friends and I are really putting our heart and soul in this!” he smiled.

The man named Daesung took the card and quickly read the informations on it and put it in his pocket. “Oh, I have to go”, muttered Seungri noticing the time. “See you!”

Watching the young dancer running away, Daesung laughed. What a kind guy. He put his camera in his bag and went to his car. It was a great encounter, usually people let him take pictures without caring about him. After fifteen minutes, he arrived at a enormous building. Taking the elevator, he went to the seventeenth floor. Without knocking, he opened the door and directly went in the bedroom where his friends was still asleep.

“The fuck ya doing”, spat the sleepy man. “Time to wake up GD, I know it's your free day but it's past noon.” Jiyong swore and grabbed his pack of cigarettes. Suddenly, his friend threw a tiny card on him. “What is that?” he asked spewing smoke. “The dude from the club. I just met him.” Jiyong took the card and read the informations. 'The Great Crew', they went on stage right after him and Taeyang. “Lee Seungri” he muttered softly.


	3. Star Over

“Look at that face,” laughed Seunghyun sitting next to him. “Fuck off”, Jiyong simply replied. The park was quiet and Jiyong liked to go there at night. To smoke, to drink. Forgetting everything. “I can't believe you really made this song in such a short time,” said his friend, lightning his own blunt. Then, they remained silent. 

That was what Jiyong wanted. Silence. The presence of his friend was good though. He did not want to be alone. He hated being alone. But he was so lonely. Too many people surrounded him but he was still so lonely. His family was too far away from Seoul, he missed them. Music was everything he had. He lived for it. Even though he loved music, it started to become suffocating. Make an album, go on tour, go to festivals, attend parties, make appearances on TV, work on friends' projects, rest for some days and start over.

Jiyong felt like his life was eating him alive. Sometimes, he wished he wasn't famous. He wished he could live without the pressure of the industry, of the fans, of the media. Taking a sip of his beer, Jiyong laughed. If the medias knew about his addictions, it would be the end. Or perhaps they already knew but were waiting for the best moment to destroy all his hard work.

“Life's a bitch,” muttered Jiyong, finishing his blunt. Seunghyun could not agree more. Himself was a target of media. He was not like others artist. He was who he was, if people disliked him, he did not care. Jiyong wished he could be like him. But he cared too much. He was seen as a bad boy, a strong rapper who did not give a fuck about standards. It was just a part of him, it was not who he was. It was G-DRAGON, not Kwon Jiyong.


	4. You Again

“The places you got us are just so great”, said Zitao looking at the stage where 2NE1 should be dancing in a few minutes. “Thank Dara! She's the one who offered me those vip tickets”, Chanyeol replied back, holding Sehun's hand. “It's been a while since our last date. Hope this is enough even if those dummies are with us.” Sehun smiled and kissed his boyfriend's cheek. It was way enough for him.

Quickly, the lights went off and the show began. Seungri knew some songs and sang with Zitao when he could. It was nice, he never attended concerts like that before. Suddenly, the girls disappeared and only the leader, CL was remaining on stage. From behind, a shadow approached. When it was close enough, Seungri recognized the pop star G-DRAGON. Both of them performed an old featuring and fans went crazy. The pop star owns an aura that Seungri could not describe. He seemed confident, proud and extremely comfortable. He was a total different guy from the one he met at the club. As things progressed, Seungri remembered that night, kind of. He remembered laughing and having fun like he never had before with this man.

Seungri thought he was crazy but he swore his eyes met G-DRAGON's. And the singer smiled at him. If Seungri almost forgot everything, did he remembered him? He was completely wasted when he left so he may just thought he was a fan. Seungri could not stop thinking about it until the end of the concert. “Come on dudes. Let's say hi to the girls”, said Chanyeol heading to the lodges.

A man, probably the manager, said a few words to Chanyeol before letting them enter the lodges where all the members of the group were. “Hello there!” said Minzy. “Hope you liked the show”, she continued. Excited, Zitao started to talk with the girls, seeing he was an old fan since their debut, they were very touched. “Do you want an autographed album? We always got some albums here”, suggested Bom. Of course, they all said yes and the girls started to signed on the albums. “My name is Seungri”, the dancer said to Dara. “Sweet name”, she replied. “This one for you then.” The dancer thanked her and took the album. It was so pretty, he thought it would look great on his desk.

“Nice to see you all” said G-DRAGON entering the lodges. His eyes met Seungri's but directly went to his friends. “Can I have an autographed album too?” CL laughed and gave him the last they had. Taeyang, T.O.P and Daesung were also here. Seungri headed to Kang Daesung and asked him if he remembered him. “Of course I do! I watched some videos, you guys are amazing”, the actor replied. They started to talk together about their own career. Seungri did not realize the other day but he already saw a movie where Daesung was acting.

“Isn't time for proper introducing?” said someone behind Seungri. “I'm G-DRAGON, a real pop star not a liar. Nice to see you again Seungri”. The dancer was a bit fluttered. He grabbed the hand that the singer was tendered him. “Lee Seungri, still in uni and member of The Great Crew.” G-DRAGON smiled and started to compliment him. “Daesung told me about your crew. I watched everything, you guys are really something”, the pop star said. He approached the dancer and whispered next to his ear. “Especially you. You have something the others don't have.” When he stepped back, Seungri was so moved and could not speak.

He often thought he was the less talented member of the crew. People were always praising the three others for their dancing skill. They also praised their singing and rapping abilities. Seungri was just the funny one. If he was alone, surely he would cry. He sincerely thanked the singer for his words and the other just smiled at him.

“Guys, we're heading to the baths. Are you coming with us or not?” asked CL to the four other celebrities. “Yeah sure. Let's go now”, answered G-DRAGON, patting Seungri's shoulder. “See you soon.” They all leaved the lodges and the students headed to their own houses.

Seungri, lying in his bed, grabbed his phone and texted Chanyeol, thanking him again for this great opportunity. He also made apologies for his behavior Monday to his crush. He did not speak to her since and he felt kind of guilty. She told him it was nothing and that she thought it was funny.

While the dancer was asking the girl for a proper date, at the other end of Seoul, Kwon Jiyong just went home. He took a beer from his fridge and jumped into his bed. It did not end bad, for once. He was not feeling bad, was not feeling good either. Jiyong was just feeling fine. He looked at the only picture he took of Seungri. How could a common guy captivate him so bad?


	5. Rising Star

“We're Friday already”, sighed Sehun, closing his book. “Tonight gonna be the first time you show up at a Chanyeol's concert. Scared?”, asked Seungri. The two boys were in the library, working on some project together. Usually, they were pretty serious when working but this day, Sehun seemed troubled. “Not scared but... it's kinda worrying. I'm not straight or bi, I don't love girl at all. And I'm dating a raising star. Since he's bi, people tend to think I'm just a fling. There's even sasaeng who wants...”, Sehun could not end his sentence. 

Seungri grabbed his best friend's hand and reassured him. Of course Sehun was so happy with Chanyeol but even if he was not showing it, assuming his homosexuality and his relationship was not easy for him. When Chanyeol started to get famous, some journalists quickly showed their love to the world. The raising star did not mind about it, he was not ashamed to be in love with an other man. But Sehun was not ready for this, his own family did not know yet at that time. Fortunately both were kind parents and did not mind about their son's sexuality.

“It's true that without me he would be even greater”, sadly muttered Sehun. His best friend could not say it was wrong because it was the truth. “I think he had chosen your relationship and happiness instead of his career. And look, I also think he's quite good with his popularity now. Even if the biggest part of his fans are from overseas, he's not that hated in Korea. Indeed... people tend to hate you not him”. Seungri was not sure if his words were as conforming as he wanted them to be. He knew that Sehun was not feeling great about the hatred but he was more concerned about his boyfriend's life than his own.

Quietly, Sehun packed up his things and left the library. There were times like this where trying to cheer him up was useless. Sometimes, he just needed to be alone. Not long after, Seungri left too. He texted his crush and met her at a coffee shop. “What's wrong?”, she asked, seeing the unwell look on Seungri's face. “Nothing don't worry. It's our second real date, order everything you want”, smiled the dancer looking at the card. “No way, today I'm the one that treats you”. Seungri softly laughed and accepted. It was one thing he loved about the girl, she was independent and confident.

Seungri was starving, he did not eat that morning. He ordered two donuts, one muffin and an iced-americano. His crush laughed at him ordering so many things while she just bought a tea for herself. The two of them calmly ate and went for a walk. Before taking her home, Seungri asked her if she wanted to go to his friend's concert with him. She hesitated a bit but finally accepted.

“Look who's coming!” shouted Tao when Seungri arrived at the place of the event holding his crush's hand. “Jade, ignore them they're just asshole”. Jade was a French name. It was not that unusual to find Korean with a foreign name but quite rare though. Mino urged his friends to go inside because his feet were hurting so bad.

The concert hall was not the biggest that could be find in Korea but was already impressive. The four students sat at their vip seats and started to talk before the beginning of the concert. After a few minutes, Seungri felt like someone was looking at him. He looked around and saw a familiar face right in front of him. Accompanied by Taeyang and Hyorin, G-DRAGON was smiling at him.

Immediately, the lights turned off and Seungri was not able to see the pop star's face anymore. As expected Chanyeol -or LOEY- was incredible on stage. Either as a DJ or a singer, he captivated the public's attention without difficulty. Often, Chanyeol asked famous dancers and small crew to dance for him. This time after his most famous performance, everything went dark and quiet. Chanyeol appeared with a piano and he started to play a song he never released. Slowly, a silhouette went down. It was Sehun, shirtless, hanging on fabric. Seungri did not know that his best friend learnt how to do aerial silk. Everyone was so impressed and so silent. Only the sound of the piano was accompanying Sehun. 

Minutes went until the end of the act. Sehun let his feet touch the ground and he bowed. “Woah”, shouted Chanyeol leaving his piano. “Did y'all see that? So impressive! Aah, I'm proud of you Sehunnie”, the singer hugged his boyfriend firmly. “I wanted something special for my last show, I hope you guys liked it”, smiled Chanyeol to his fans. He continued to talk for a few minutes before finally leaving the stage, holding Sehun's hand in his.

“Wow! He really doesn't give a fuck about people's opinion about his relationship with a man, he's such an exemple”, Jade said, excited by Chanyeol's boldness. Seungri agreed. He was proud of his friends. “Time to go to the lodges!” shouted Tao almost running out of the concert hall. The others laughed a bit and followed him.

“Sehun you fucking bastard you lied to me!” yelled Tao entering the lodges. His best friend loudly laughed and explained that it was a surprise, he could not tell anyone. “You were incredible Sehun, I'm pretty sure you impressed everyone”, smiled Seungri. “Very impressive indeed”, said a voice from outside.

“GD thanks for your support”, replied Chanyeol, inviting him to enter in the room. “If you need me for any project, ask Chanyeol for my number”, joked Sehun. G-DRAGON smiled. “I won't hesitate”. The three of them started to talk about professional things and the others discussed about the concert. “Guys”, said Chanyeol toward his friends. “We're going to GD's place for an after party, wanna come?”. Seungri and Tao were definitely going. But Jade and Mino were way too tired. 

“Do you want me to bring you home? You're too pretty to walk alone at night. Men are trash you know”, laughed Mino. Jade laughed back and accepted the offer. She kissed Seungri cheek and the two of them left. “Let's go party guys!”, shouted Tao his arms around his best friends shoulders.


	6. Alone

“Mino finally!” shouted Tao. The dancer just arrived with his sister, Seunghoon and a stranger. “That's my sis' boyfriend!” shouted back Mino. The - handsome- man introduced himself as Jongin. Immediately, Sehun obligated him to pass some kind of crazy test to be sure he could dates Jennie.

“I need to talk”, suddenly said Mino to Seungri. The two of them went to the vip side of the club. Seungri ordered two cocktails and smiled at his friend. “I think I have a thing for Jade”, he muttered. Seungri was not sure he heard well and waited for his friend to continue his sentence. “I know I'm the one who introduced her to you and I know this is bad but I can't stop thinking about her since two weeks”, he said, ashamed.

For a few minutes, nothing has been said. Both of them were quiet. The situation was so awkward. Seungri was almost dating Jade and his friend was into her. How was he supposed to react? After a while, Seungri decided to finally speak. “You know, I think she needs a man like you.” Mino was confused and Seungri laughed. “I like her but I'm pretty sure our relationship wouldn't last long. If you fancy her then give it a try. You two seem to get along well plus she's your sister's friend. You'll easy get approved. Mine, ah... she hates girls like Jade. You know how much my sister's opinion means a lot for me.” When Seungri stopped talking, Mino hugged him.

“Don't be emotional!” he quickly said. “Go have fun with your sister, she rarely comes with us.” Mino thanked him and took his cocktail before leaving him alone. It was another failure in love. Seungri was not a lucky guy with girls and boys. The boys just wanted a one-night-stand, the girls were not made for him.

“You alone in a place like this”, said a voice Seungri started to know very well. “I'm just thinking”, he replied. G-DRAGON sat beside him and took a sip of his drink. “Tell me what's wrong”, smiled the pop star. “It's not a big deal but I'm just really alone once again, like always.” G-DRAGON said nothing and just took another sip. He gently stroked his neck. “I know what it is”, he simply whispered. “Come on, let's have fun like we always do together”, the singer smiled as he was rubbing Seungri's knee.

Thus, the two of them went on the dancefloor. Like the rest of the world was nothing, it was just them, together. Drinking, laughing, dancing together, like if it was already a habit. Seungri felt like he found a new friend. Jiyong felt like he found a worst addiction then alcohol.


	7. Why

“He's been talking with his agency since two hours”, sighed Jiyong. “Drink this Ri, Chaerin has amazing tastes”. Seungri just arrived at CL's party. It was way more formal than G-DRAGON's ones but people were still having fun. Unless Chanyeol and Sehun who were in the corner of the kitchen. Sehun holding the shaking hand of Chanyeol in his. Seungri could not believe everything that happened this morning was true. They tried to destroy Chanyeol just because he loved a man. How could his sexuality disturb them? It was his, not their.

“Stop thinking! Drink”, repeated Jiyong. Seungri smiled a little and took one sip. The wine was good. Music was good too. After a few minutes, Lee Chaerin started her Twitter live. She announced her first solo project with the help of her band mates and friends. Everyone congratulated her and the party started to get a little crazier.

“Let's do this then”, Seungri heard Chanyeol said while he was taking some water for himself in the kitchen. “I'll give you the amount of your choice and you can boycott me everywhere if you want. But our contract ends here. This is my last word”, he said before turning his phone off. The singer looked at his boyfriend and hugged him crying. Seungri guessed neither Chanyeol or Sehun noticed his presence and he decided to leave.

Coming back in the living room, Seungri spotted G-DRAGON and T.O.P not far from the exit. “This party is a bit boring”, sighed Jiyong. “Seungri, ya want to come with Seunghyun and I? We're heading to my house.” Seungri hesitated. He told them to wait and went asking to CL if she did not mind them leaving early. “You're going with them?” asked Chaerin a worried look on her beautiful face. “Take care of them then. I'm counting on you, don't do stupid shit or else I'll kick your big ass”, she joked hugging him as a goodbye. Just before leaving, he ran into some guy and almost made him fall. “I'm sorry, I wasn't looking”, Seungri quickly said. “No prob, I appreciate when an angel falls on me”, said the stranger making Seungri blush. “I'm getting this boy back, sorry”, shouted Seunghyun grabbing Seungri's shoulders.

Thus, the three men left the place and jumped into G-DRAGON's car. When their little party started, Seungri immediately understood what CL meant. Seunghyun put some good music in the leaving room while Jiyong went in the kitchen to get some bottles. Around a small table they all started to drink, talking about everything. And then, Seungri spotted a little case with which G-DRAGON was playing.

“You both smoke Marijuana?” he directly asked. Jiyong quietly laughed and replied: “Indeed. And I guess you're not. Hope you don't mind”. Seungri did not mind but he hated this. He barely knew G-DRAGON but he liked him enough to care about him and his health. And the two celebrities started to smoke. He had to admit the scent was not disturbing but he still hated it.

After two cigarettes, Seunghyun decided to go to bed and headed to the guest room. “We're going to sleep together again little panda”, laughed Jiyong. Seungri smile at him with mixed feelings. Jiyong grabbed his hand and they both went to his room. Sitting on the bed, Jiyong was still smoking.

“Why?” simply said Seungri, staring at him. “Because I needed it”, he sweetly answered. After a few seconds, he threw away the butt and climbed on Seungri. “But tonight, I need you”, Jiyong whispered holding his cheeks. Their bodies fell on the bed before their minds fall into the arms of Morpheus.


	8. Always

“Seungri-ah”, shouted Motoshige. “Stay with us! We're going to your favorite nightclub”. Seungri was having fun with Motoshige's friends but his best friends were waiting for him and he wanted to join them. He politely declined and went home to change his clothes and take the gifts.

Entering in the house, Seungri noticed that the lights were on. “Jiyong are you still there?” he asked taking his shoes off. No answer. He went to the living room and saw G-DRAGON sleeping on the coffee table, two bottles of wine laying around. “Jiyong...”, Seungri sighed opening the windows. “Why today? It's Christmas day, you should be having fun with your friends” he said trying to wake him up. “I'm alone”, weakly replied the singer.

Seungri realized he did not ask to his friend if he had plans for Christmas. He stroked his neck and smiled at him. “Wanna come with me to Chanyeol's and Sehun's house?” he suggested. Without answering, Jiyong stood up and start walking towards his room. “Ji... please, it will be fun, come on”, begged Seungri. “Fine”, simply said G-DRAGON. The two of them went to get themselves ready. After fifteen minutes, they finally started to drive towards their friends' house.

“GD! Glad to see you here, come in! Tao's already there”, cheerfully said Chanyeol. In the living room, indeed, Zitao was playing a card game with Sehun on the ground. “Let's start the dinner, wait a few seconds I'll bring a plate and cutlery for Jiyong”, said the tall man going in the kitchen. Seungri's best friends stopped their game and greeted them.

“Jiyong-hyung, tell me your secret, how can you tolerate that dumbass? Even today you're with him. You know after all those years of friendship I still want to kill him everyday”, laughed Sehun while everyone was sitting down to eat. “I'm happy when I'm with him”, simply replied the singer. “How cute”, giggled Sehun. Seungri was glad to hear that. More than glad, he was genuinely happy about it.

The dinner began with a warm atmosphere. G-DRAGON was a bit quiet but still laughed with the others. Seungri kind of figured out his ill-being the first night he smoke in front of him. They started to get closer at that time too. Though, Seungri felt they were not close enough for him to have the right to tell him to stop. He already told him how much he hated it but it was all.

“Baby, you and GD choose the movie. We're going to clean all this mess and take some candy and hot chocolate”, said Sehun to his boyfriend. With Tao and Seungri, the three of them went to the kitchen and put everything into the dishwasher.

“I don't think it's a good idea to date an inexperienced future idol”, stated Sehun. Seungri frowned. He did not understand why his friend was telling him this. “Motoshige is very talented, he's going to debut, I know it and I'll support him”, continued Sehun. “What's happening to Chanyeol and I, isn't easy at all. They're quiet but they harass us in a certain way. There's also some things Chanyeol can't do anymore. But we're lucky, you both would be as lucky as us”. Seungri sighed. He already knew that. He sort of figured out his relationship with Motoshige will not end well. He had feelings for the trainee though and he still wanted to give it a shot.

“You should try to date G-DRAGON instead”, suddenly said Tao. “He's way more powerful. I guess he can create as many dating scandal as possible. You guys already live together, it would be so simple.” This time Seungri laughed. It came from nowhere. Dating G-DRAGON? He never really thought about it. He did not even know if Jiyong liked men. “He's so fucking hot let's be honest. If I wasn't in love with Yeol I would have tried to get in his pants”, laughed Sehun looking inside the kitchen cupboard. “I guess I have to admit he's handsome indeed”, replied Seungri.

“Well well well, let's stop talking about boys. Those hot chocolate will not be done by themselves”, said Sehun, clapping his hands to motivate his friends. Meanwhile in the living room, Chanyeol and Jiyong were laying on the sofa. They already decided which movie they would watch and were talking.

“You fancy him don't you?” said the DJ. They were not really close but way enough to talk about those subjects. They trusted each other enough. “Unfortunately, I guess you're right. Am I that obvious?” asked the pop star. “Not really, just Sehun is really good to notice those things. But when you know it, you can unsee it. Damn man, you're staring at him so hungrily some times. It reminds me when I wanted to date Sehun so badly and this shitty brat was such a tease.” Chanyeol laughed. He asked to his friend if he wanted him to tell more about their story and Jiyong accepted.

“We know each other since we were twelve. He was always flirting with boys and girls. And I always wanted for him to flirt with me. But once he started, he drove me crazy”, smiled Chanyeol. He was reminding all those good memories and it felt so great. “Three years ago, we finally stopped this game. We sort of confessed at the same time. We were in Paris. Sehun loves Paris”, whispered Chanyeol closing his eyes. Jiyong loved Paris too. He wondered if he could bring Seungri there one day. “Now that you know our story, I expect you to tell me everything when you'll finally succeed to date Ri”, joked Chanyeol.

Only if he succeeds. The two friends talked for a few minutes before the others came back from the kitchen. “Let's open the gifts”, said Sehun putting everything on the coffee table. Sadly, Tao did not have the gift he bought for G-DRAGON since he was not supposed to come. “That's nothing, you'll bring it next time you come to my studio”, said Jiyong. He did not mind the gifts, he was grateful for the gesture. Still, he was touched by the one Seungri offered him. “I'm not as rich as them but I hope you like it”, smiled the dancer. The gift was a little keyring with a cute panda. “I'll always be by your side that way”, he whispered.


	9. Hate

“Why are you coming home this late?” asked G-DRAGON as Seungri was laying in the bed. “Was practicing with the guys, ” he weakly replied. The singer understood that he was dead tired and did not insist. “Don't push yourself too much,” whispered Jiyong as he hugged his friend. “You saying that?” laughed Seungri.

The two of them stayed quiet for a bit. Jiyong's chin on the naked shoulder of Seungri. The pop star could not hold it any longer and admitted: “I saw your boyfriend with a girl when I went buy ramen.” He consciously did not mention he drank, knowing Seungri would be irritated.

“He has friends,” sighed the dancer. Jiyong felt his friend tensed. “He wasn't wearing the ring you offered him and was holding her hand,” he said. This time Seungri stood up and looked at him with an angry look.

“Can y'all just let me enjoy my relationship without trying to destroy everything? I understand you hate him but please, if you know nothing, just close your mouth,” firmly said Seungri. The singer bowed his head and mumbled an apologize.

When his friend lay down again, Jiyong tried to touch him but he rejected him. “I know what it feels like to be cheated on. I just don't want you to be hurt,” muttered the pop star. Silence was back and Jiyong felt like he was going to cry.

“I'm the one who's sorry,” suddenly said Seungri without turning back. “You just want to protect me and you have every right to do it with the things I told you.” When drunk, the young man was even more talkative than usual. He told Jiyong about all his past relationships and how terrible they were all. Seungri was such a kind boy and people were always taking this to their advantage.

“I'm sorry, I must have seen someone else,” lied Jiyong. The singer hugged his friend by the waist again and plunged his head in his neck.

He was not sleeping well if he was not holding on Seungri to fall in sleep. He needed him by his side. He hated it when he was sleeping at Sehun's and Chanyeol's house. He hated it when himself had to travel and sleep in an hotel. He hated it when their schedules did not let them be together. He hated it. Hated it so much. He loved Seungri too much.


	10. That XX

Anxious, Seungri entered in G-DRAGON'S house. He accompanied his boyfriend to his party but he was not in the mood. Then he went home but was afraid to face his roommate. Seungri did not even know why they had a fight. He was cold, sure. But Jiyong talked to him like he was a piece of shit.

“I thought you were staying with your boyfriend,” muttered the pop star playing guitar on his bed. Seungri sighed and changed his clothes. “He's celebrating the survival show with friends,” weakly replied the dancer. He sat on the bed but was not looking at Jiyong, he could not. He wanted apologies but he guessed he also needed to apologize.

“ _우연히 길을 걷다 네 남잘 봤어_ ,” started to sing the pop star as he was playing guitar. Seungri was still looking at the ceiling but let his mind lost itself through his friend's song.

“ _네가 슬퍼할 때면 나는 죽을 것만 같다고 baby_ ,” sung Jiyong looking at Seungri. He could felt his look on him. But he still could not turn around.

“ _뻔히 다 보이는걸 너만 왜 못 봐_ ,” continued Jiyong. His voice was becoming painful like if he was on the edge of crying. Seungri himself felt his eyes teary.

“ _그 새끼보다 내가 못한 게 뭐야_ ,” Jiyong sung the last chorus and this time Seungri looked at him. He definitely knew. But for once, he tried to fake it. His friend put his guitar on the ground and went hug him.

“I'm used to it, you know?” laughed Seungri. “I'll get over it soon.” Jiyong told him he would share his grief and cry with him. And Seungri started to cry. He was hurt. He felt loved for once and he tried to ignore everything his friends told him. But he knew. He saw. He just faked to be naive. 

“I know how it feels,” whispered Jiyong. “He left me because he was too ashamed of dating a man. He found a girlfriend quickly after we broke up.” Seungri was relieved to know that his friend understood him. Understood his pain. Fortunately, he was not in love, Seungri really liked his boyfriend though. With Jiyong, it was love or nothing. He felt bad for him.

“Until when are we going to cry like fools?” laughed Seungri and wiped away his tears. “Let's sleep, I'm dead tired and so are you.” Thus the two men went to bed and Seungri quickly fell asleep. 

“I’ll treat you better baby,” muttered Jiyong as he stoked his friend hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 우연히 길을 걷다 네 남잘 봤어 = Walking down the street I saw your man
> 
> 네가 슬퍼할 때면 나는 죽을 것만 같다고 baby = When you're sad, I feel like I'm going to die baby
> 
> 뻔히 다 보이는걸 너만 왜 못 봐 = Why are you the only who's not seeing it?
> 
> 그 새끼보다 내가 못한 게 뭐야 = What does that bastard have that I don’t?


	11. Random

“ _I need somebody_ ,” sung Jiyong as he lightly touched Seungri's sleeping face. “ _I ain't got nobody_ ,” he continued starting to play with his locks. He looked like an angel. Jiyong loved seeing his angel every morning, he was so happy to feel him by his side. Knowing he was there and was going nowhere. “ _I need somebody_ ,” sung again Jiyong. He smiled and kissed Seungri's forehead. “ _Any god damn body_ ,” he lastly sung as he hugged his friend. He felt him move a little and suddenly he was nervous.

Every time he was sharing an intimate moment with Seungri, he was so stressed. So worried he thought it was bizarre or awkward. Fortunately, it was never the case. “Morning Jiyong,” whispered Seungri as he stroked his hair. 

Their friendship has always been ambitious in a certain way. But Jiyong could not say when everything really changed. Since they lived together, they always slept together and always hugged each other in the morning. Hugs were not the same. Caresses were different too.

Jiyong did not answer. He was usually saying morning first, it was annoying him when Seungri took the initiative. He bit his ear as a punishment and the youngest laughed. “I want pizza,” randomly said Seungri. And Jiyong randomly kissed his neck.

“Let's kick everyone out of this house and order pizza then,” he said standing up. Shirtless, he put on his bathrobe and turned around. “Let's do that,” smiled Seungri watching him.


	12. Make Love

Seungri loved parties. He loved dancing, drinking, laughing. But he noticed he was not enjoying parties like he used to. He was not flirting with gorgeous strangers and having fun with people he barely knew anymore.

Where was Jiyong? What was doing Jiyong? With who was Jiyong? He only cared about Jiyong. 

He knew that night when he broke up with Motoshige, everything changed between them. Seungri did not mind. In fact, he liked it. Noticing how much Jiyong cared about him. Hugging him like a lover and not a friend. He liked it. But he found himself liked it to the point he needed it.

He knew it was how love started. He knew and he did nothing against it. He would not mind being Jiyong's lover. He actually liked this idea.

But he knew it was not good for his friend. He was not ready to love him. He already loved him though but he could not handle their relationship. 

Seungri knew. But one night, he was sick of everything. He was sick of seeing Jiyong smoking with other celebrities at a private party in their own house. Sick of seeing Jiyong pretending he was alright. Pretending he was G-DRAGON.

Seungri could not remember when or how, but they ended in their room. Jiyong was still smoking, sitting on the edge of the bed. Seungri had plucked up his courage and climb on his lap. He took the blunt out of his mouth and the pop star said nothing.

They silently stare at each other. They did not need words. Then, Seungri cupped his face and kissed him on the lips. It was just a gentle and sweet peck. Jiyong's hands grabbed his waist as they separated from the kiss.

This time, Jiyong kissed him. It was more passionate almost brutish. Seungri kissed him back with the same desire. They were hungry, they wanted each other so badly. Seungri could not help but thought that he might have wanted him since their first encounter. But he did not remember enough their first night together to be sure.

That night, they make love. Neither Seungri nor Jiyong was a virgin but it felt like it was the first time they really _made love_.

Seungri was the first awake and he observed his friend's face. He smiled remembering what they did last night. Quickly, Jiyong woke up too and whispered: “Did I hurt you?” Seungri laughed and nodded negatively.

“Did I make you feel good enough?” he asked. Seungri thought it was cute the way he was scared to do something wrong. “I think my moans from last night can talk for me,” he joked.

Jiyong softly kissed his cheek and thanked him. At first, Seungri did not understand but then, Jiyong said: “Meeting you that day. It was a blessing,” he whispered as he hugged him. “I've prepared everything for that night. After the festival, I wanted to end it.” Seungri stroked his friend's hair in silence and he continued to confess: “When I met you, I felt like I couldn't leave.”

Seungri could not express how he felt. He hugged his friend a bit stronger as he continued to speak. “I really wanted to die that day. But you were so bright and you treated me like we were old friends. I couldn't forget you, I wanted to see you one more time. Then, it was never enough. I wanted more. I didn't want us to be party buddies. I wanted to wake up every morning next to you. I couldn't sleep without you. I...”

“Enough,” said Seungri. “You don't need to remind all your pain. I'm here to love you now.”


	13. Addicted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Light smut at the end! Mostly dirty talk.

“You're so fucking gorgeous,” whispered Jiyong to Seungri. The latter replied by kissing him, moaning against his mouth. The noiraud fell by his side and hugged him by the waist. Both were breathless and stayed like this for a few minutes. 

“Your face is cute when you come,” said Jiyong getting astride Seungri. He kissed him once again, linking their fingers together. “I'm always cute,” replied the blonde. Jiyong observed his face and agreed with him.

“I want to make you love all the times,” he muttered starting to kiss Seungri's neck. Seungri laughed and stroke his hair. Make love was good, really good. He thought it was one of the best part of their _friendship_. Not because they were sex addicts. But because they were making one. It was just Jiyong and Seungri. No pop star, no dancer. Just them.

Because Jiyong was not jealous when they were making love. Because they did not have to pretend they were just _friends_. Because there were no dating scandal in bed. Because there were no alcohol no majeruana. Because everything else was nothing. 

Seungri thought he should have not admitted his affection towards Jiyong. He could not stand his addictions and was so irritated how Jiyong treated him now in front of others. 

After the first rumors, Jiyong stopped to show him any mark of affection in public. He even purposely got involved in dating scandal with women. It was driving Seungri crazy. 

Seungri would not mind if Jiyong was just distant, he could understand. But the facts were that he was not distant at all. Bringing Seungri everywhere with him. In Japan, in China, in parties, in his studio. Seungri had to always be next to him. Or else, Jiyong was texting him all day. 

It was toxic and Seungri knew it since the beginning. He needed to act the earliest. But he just could not. He loved Jiyong too much. At least, he could not for now. 

Although, there was that party. Of course both of them were there. Because Seungri could not go partying without Jiyong and Jiyong always brought Seungri with him. Even if he totally ignored him. 

That night, Seungri was drinking at the bar with Youngbae. They were talking about their relationships. It was obvious that his with Jiyong was terrible while Youngbae was living happily with Hyorin. But there was no judgment. He gave him some advice because he was Jiyong closest friend, he knew why he was acting like this. 

“You're his worst addiction,” joked Youngbae. “But still he's acting like a jerk with you 'cause he's too scared. Of himself, of you, of the world. I'm telling you that' cause you're my friend too but you need to runaway.”

And he was right. Seungri sighed and just left him. He felt depressed that their _friendship_ was going nowhere. He decided to find Jiyong thought, he missed him. Yes, he started to be addicted too.

He saw his _lover_ , an arm around a beautiful actress, smoking a blunt. “You told me you wouldn't smoke outside our house!” sadly shouted Seungri. “Fuck off,” simply answered the pop star.

“Seriously? And are you obligated to flirt with her?” asked Seungri clearly pissed off. “I do the fuck I want. You're not my girlfriend, get lost,” harshly said G-DRAGON.

“Yeah, sure I ain't,” muttered Seungri before leaving. He hated this, hated this so much. He let drops fell on his cheeks while heading home. He was already sick of it. He took a taxi and ended on the couch, watching cats videos to forget he wanted to cry so bad.

Around two in the morning, he heard Jiyong coming home. “What are you fucking doing here? Go in our room,” he said. Seungri did not answer. He was angry and Jiyong noticed it.

But he could not care less. Jiyong grabbed his friend by the hand and forced him to join him in their room. Seungri was tired and did not protested. He lay down in bed with Jiyong and let him climb on his waist. “I love you so fucking much,” he whispered kissing his neck. But Seungri still did not move.

“I'm sorry about everything. I don't deserve you, I'm sorry,” he started to cry. Eventually, this time Seungri slipped his hand in Jiyong's neck, letting him kiss his flesh harder, marking him. “I love you baby,” whispered Jiyong against his lips.

“Then fuck me if you mean it,” replied Seungri. Usually he was not the type begging for sex. But having saw his friend flirting with others, he needed to feel that he was the one. He needed to be reassured. Jiyong needed it too.

“I'm going to fuck your beautiful ass so fucking hard,” said Jiyong between two kiss. “Beg me,” he said attacking his neck again. Seungri moaned and laughed at the same time. Seungri was rarely orally begging so Jiyong loved when he was.

“I want your cock,” slowly whispered Seungri. “I want you to fill me up with your cum.” Jiyong did not need more and started to undress himself. Seungri smiled loving the view. Jiyong was skinny but he was beautiful just the way he was. Seungri caressed his chest a bit before kissing him again.

His lips. He loved his lips so much. He was the only one who could kiss them. They were his. Jiyong was his. At least, in bed he was. 

Jiyong undressed Seungri quickly to be able to kiss his thighs. He loved his thighs. Sure they were good looking, Seungri was a dancer. Jiyong put his legs on his shoulder and went to kiss him one last time.

“Lemme eat your ass. I've been waiting for it since forever,” he whispered. Seungri laughed and muttered: “Look who's begging now.” Jiyong pinched him but laughed too. “Yes or Not,” he asked again smiling. Of course it was a yes. How could Seungri say no to him?

It was strange, new but so fucking good thought Seungri. Everything with Jiyong was so fucking good. It lasted a few minutes before Jiyong asked him to take a lube.

Jiyong was always sweet and attentive when preparing him. They both liked rough sex but Jiyong was always scared to hurt him. It was cute according to Seungri. “I want you on your four,” asked Jiyong once Seungri was enough fingered. 

And so he did. He grabbed the mattress and bit his own lips when Jiyong entered inside him. “No matter how much I fuck you you're still so fucking tight around my dick,” sight Jiyong kissing Seungri's back. It was always a bit painful at first but knowing pleasure was coming after made the pain more bearable.

Seungri was the only one that Jiyong was fucking. There was only him. He was making love to him only. He was not just a puppet, not just a fuck buddy. No Jiyong loved him. But this love was suffocating. Their love was suffocating. They were meant to be together but it was not the right time. 

Seungri tried to stop thinking about when he felt tears falling on his back. “I never meant to hurt you Seungri,” cried Jiyong. “I never loved someone as much as I love you but I'm the worst boyfriend you could ever have,” he said this time stopping his moves. Seungri try to not just think about the used of _boyfriend_ and turned around.

“Don't say that,” he muttered holding his face. “Everything around us may be wrong. But our love is not a mistake. Things will get better, honey. Believe in me. Believe in us.” Jiyong kissed him and they lay down again.

They finished what they had started and hugged each other until Jiyong fell asleep. Seungri was a bit hungry after sex so he went in the kitchen. Coming back in their room, he did not know why he opened Jiyong's bedside table. Next to the condoms they were not using anymore, Seungri found sleeping pills. Too much sleeping pills.

He also found this little case in which Jiyong was hiding his drug. Seungri knew that when they were fighting or when he was absent, Jiyong needed pills and not only sleeping pills. Seungri closed the table and went back in bed.

Not the right time. Seungri thought about it again. Maybe him and Jiyong should take some time for themselves. Maybe distance was what they both needed.


	14. Goodbye

What if they did not met? What if that day, Jiyong decided to go home? If they did not met in that club, did Jiyong would have been attracted?

When Seungri shoven him, Jiyong thought he was the most beautiful man he had ever seen. The most perfect human he had ever seen. 

His chubby cheeks were so cute, he wanted to touch them. Then his dark eyes looking directly in his own eyes hypnotized him. Jiyong noticed through his clothes that his body was really nice. He would have done everything to be able to see that tanned body naked. He could not stop staring at him. Him dancing on the dancefloor. He was a dancer. The way he moved his body, there was no doubt.

Jiyong had to admit but at first, he just wanted to fuck him. The last fuck before leaving. So he tried to flirt with Seungri. But the latter was not receptive. Well, to tell the truth, he was but not completely. Jiyong felt something else between them. Seungri acted like he wanted more than just a one-night-stand. He seemed to want starting a real friendship. And perhaps more.

Jiyong respected that and did not insist to fuck him. Though, they made out. But neither of them could remember that.

But if they did not met in that club. If they met in the street, would it have been the same? Or would not Jiyong find Seungri as attractive? No one could tell but Jiyong could not stop thinking about it.

He could not stop thinking about Seungri. He loved him too much. He was always worried that he would leave him. The idea of being left behind horrified him. Inside, deep inside, he knew he would leave. He was sure, one day, he would leave.

And that day happened. It was his fault, he also knew it. But he hated it. Hated himself and that was the problem.

“You said I've saved your life,” told him Seungri. “But I'm not doing it correctly. You should love yourself, you should be able to live without me. I can endure secret but I can't endure guilt. You're not fine with me. I'm making it worst for you. We can't stay like this.”

 _You can't leave me. You can't leave me alone. I gonna die if I'm alone._ That was what Jiyong wanted to say but the words could not come out of his mouth. Because Seungri was right. Once again he was right.

“I'm leaving Korea. I'll end my studies in the USA with Sehun and I'll start working there. I don't know when I'll comeback. But I will. And I hope that day, you will be able to love yourself, as much as you love me,” sadly said Seungri.

None of them wanted to be separated but it was a need. Jiyong did not even try to change his mine. He accepted without discussing.

They only had one week before Seungri's departure. The two of them stayed the all time together at their house. They played together, drank together, danced together as if nothing was going to change. 

They made love countless times. Jiyong also let Seungri dominate him for the first and last time. They did not know when they would be able to see each other again. They did not even know if they would stay exclusive despite the distance.

They never really dated. It would not be cheating if they fucked with other people. But he did not want to. He only wanted to make love to Seungri. Or Seungri to fuck him. They only did it once and Jiyong kind of regretted it because it felt so damn right. He could understand why Seungri loved so much be a bottom. Though, Jiyong preferred be on top, seeing the one he loved so weak under him.

If he was horny, he would only need to jerk. Even if it means jerk for one, two, three years or even more. He could not care less. Life was not about sex, was not about alcohol, was not about music and should not be about Seungri.

The fateful day arrived. And they acted like it was the most trivial day of the year. They woke up in each other's arms and Jiyong said morning first. Seungri prepared their breakfast and the both of them ate on the couch while watching some random movie. They fucked on that couch and then went take a shower together. Jiyong gave some of his own clothes to Seungri. “Just in case,” he said. 

They went to the airport together. Jiyong wore a mask and cap and so do Seungri. Before boarding, Jiyong grabbed Seungri's sleeve. He lowered their masks and he kissed him in the middle of the airport.

It was a sweet but passionate kiss. Jiyong wrapped his arms around Seungri's shoulders while his own arms were around Jiyong's waist. They stayed like this a few seconds but it felt like the time was stopped.

“I'll wait for you,” whispered Jiyong against his lover's lips. “I know,” replied Seungri. They kissed one last time and put back their masks. Seungri smiled at him and then he disappeared. He was gone.

Jiyong directly went in his Lamborghini and he cried. He could still feel Seungri's touch on his skin, his hands in his hair, his lips on his. Jiyong wiped away his tears and headed for his house. He knew it would be difficult but he could not stop crying.

At first, he wanted to get wasted, to smoke and forget everything. But he remembered Seungri's words. He needed to be independent. Of course that would take times. Of course he would still get drunk sometimes to forget the pain. But he needed to fix his problems with drugs. Step by step, learn how to love himself, how to love life. He needed to do it not only for Seungri but for himself.

Arrived at home, Jiyong turned off the car but did not move. He looked at his keyring. That cute little panda smiling at him. He would always be by his side no matter the distance between them.


End file.
